I sat by her hospital bed, whispering words of reassurance amidst the deafening sounds of fireworks that filled the air. What a way to start the year’, I thought. Walking the length and breadth of the hospital till my hips hurt – yeah, hips , because I had to make those trips as fast as I could most of the time. Not that I would mind flying if I had to because my mum means the world to me. And just when I thought the storm was over, I could literally see it smirking at me because it only just gathered, heavier this time. Trust me, it did hit me real bad, Just that this time I had to do the running around in my head.
As hard as life can be, it’s easy when you can identify the problem. But I just couldn’t understand why I was getting such heavy rains in January. Why? Because I’m human, I may tend to always feel entitled to an answer to that question but honestly, we’re sometimes better off without one.
Things did fall apart and I kept wondering why the plumber was unable to fix my leaking tap. Probably because it was infected with a virus and I wasn’t patient enough to allow it run its course.
And one day, without repair, it stopped leaking. All I could do was stare in awe because the storm was over, for real this time. I cried again, but it wasn’t the shoulder-shaking, why-is-this-happening kind of tears. I was overwhelmed with happiness.
Now you would really begin to think I must have spent six months already but that was only February. Maybe I wasn’t going to roll through the year so easily, but my first lesson is such to never be forgotten –Every storm, no matter how tough, will definitely pass.
I cannot forget that this year birthed my darling business sometimes in March –Relish foods. Of course started as a baby offering only varieties of pomo but now snails have been added to the list and we’re definitely planning to do more. When you have a family that serves as a strong support system, you have it all.
While the hours go by, we barely ever understand the bits and pieces of lessons in those moments until it has piled up and we look back at them. You’re never going to know what you’re capable of until you allow yourself stretch fully. No, you’re not going to snap and break, you’ll only be increasing your elastic limit. I, for one, know that I like to sleep scratch that I love to sleep. But when living on 2-3hours of sleep seems like the only bridge to the next phase of your life, you jump in it, baby. Writing my first medical exams was so overwhelming and I couldn’t help but have bouts of having my shit together and really freaking out and I’ll just turn to my Lord and remind myself that I know He’s got me. And I realized that there’s so much more to life than the cocoon we love to keep ourselves in- The comfort zone. So don’t be scared, one step at a time and you’ll be glad you did.
I found a whole lot of things this year, one of it being closure. No, it didn’t just happen passively, I had to make myself want to let it happen. And if you’ve been in a situation where you have to man up and make tough decisions even when it hurts, you’ll feel what I felt. Trust me, it feels better when there’s someone else to blame but yourself. The reason you made such a choice in the first place should be what keeps you going. No what-if, we all try but things happen. I learnt to let the past remain behind me. Close enough to never forget the lesson but far enough to stop it from holding me down. Then I felt light again, like the force of gravity acting in me was less than normal
We like to think that we’re happy, maybe some of us really are but I think I need to ask why. I’m not trying to shove this down anyone’s throat but maybe you can be a little more open-minded. If someone makes you happy, what happens when that person hurts you or worse-still, dies. I’m not saying you shouldn’t have people or things in your life that keep you happy but that shouldn’t be your ultimate source of happiness. I’ve learnt that happiness should be sourced from something that can’t be taken away from you while you exist like your brain or entire blood volume and unending like a waterfall. My point is, Be unconditionally happy.
Of course, I expect some to roll their eyes at that because there are some real-life situations lurking around that just won’t let you be happy in peace, ‘But hey !’, don’t dwell on it because, like as I said earlier, this storm will pass. I can’t say how soon, but it will. So why not try to keep yourself healthy enough to relish those anticipated moments?
When someone mentions growth, what comes to mind? Answer that first. Yes, I’m referring to your answer, all of it. Asides from adding almost 10kg, without my permission (you can stop wow-ing now ) some credit goes to my terrible examination eating habits. I also, with conscious efforts grew in a bunch of other aspects like getting more creative with my poems, being able to manage school and a business , so I’ll just say I’m proud of myself.
I have loads of acquaintances and a few friends, not to say I can’t comfortably pen down 5-10 people I can call when I’m in deep pits. I’m also not totally open to the idea of always meeting new friends because people can be ‘ugh’ at times, nonetheless, I met two totally amazing humans and I’m glad I did give friendship a shot. To an extent, I’m comfortable saying there’s still a couple of good, no, awesome people out there. Not to mean I don’t absolutely love the people who’ve always been clearing my mess from day zero. I don’t have the word for you guys just yet.
It’s still December and I know I’ve had an amazing year. If I die now, this minute, while holding this pen, I think I can say I’ve made it in life. Not that there isn’t more to life than all of this, but this for sure is a good start. I had my fair share of really high highs and super-deep lows but I still managed to find a balance and that’s all that really matters my dear. All this being said isn’t to prove that I had all my goals accomplished this year, man has still got some standing arms akimbo and staring me right in the face but I’m on it.
I know I may have used a couple of metaphors or not-so-real-life comparisons, but you should understand if probably I’ve bared myself to you once or you’re in my very closed circle which I’m not even sure can be described as a circle
There’s a difference between being complacent and being happy with yourself. I am glad to be where I am today but I’m not about to remain here. The very least I can aim for is not to slide right back into the pit I was able to crawl out of this year.
Life sure does happen, but have you ever happened to life?